The last month has been a busy time for Michelle and me. When I’m busy, I notice that a strange thing happens: while my patience normally knows no limits, my patience seems to diminish somewhat when I’m under stress. By “diminish somewhat”, what I mean “disappears entirely”. This is especially true for anything involving (A) inanimate objects and (B) driving.

Exhibit A. Inanimate objects are my nemesiseses. There is little I have less patience for than, say, a bungee cord that somehow manages to hook on the one hookable object within 27 square yards of where you’re walking. This brings into sharp relief the fact that I’m easily tripped, and it just pisses me off all the more when I wipe out because a bungee cord got hooked on a pebble.

Exhibit B. Driving – or, more specifically, the way other people drive – is one of the most infuriating experiences when you’re in a hurry to get somewhere. Especially in Seattle. Damn all of you laid back hippies who are “West Coast Chillin’” on your way to work. I’m in a hurry, so you better fucking floor it when that light turns green. And don’t you dare wait for a pedestrian who is about to cross the street.

Which brings me to another pet peeve of mine: people who obey the laws of traffic. Just because the posted speed limit is 25 miles per hour doesn’t mean you’re going to go to prison when the needle hits 27.

Another problem with driving is that no one seems to realize that I’m the best driver in Seattle or whatever town I happen to be in. I can judge perfectly just how fast to drive, or which pedestrians to wait for, or which cars to let in, or which yellow lights to run through and which to wait for. It’s hard to say if this is because I’m Dutch or because I’m awesome, but it’s a fact none-the-less, and the sooner everyone gets on board, the sooner we’ll all get along.

So, to get this ball rolling, here are the rules of thumb about driving: if you’re driving faster than me, you’re reckless and endangering us all. If you’re driving slower than me, you’re an idiot. Repeat logic for all cases.