Not one week has passed without some high-profile celebrity disparaging the Dutch. Last week, it was Rainn Wilson. This week, it turns out that Steven Colbert is also guilty of Anti-Dutchism. (Ok, maybe neither of those are really high profile but it’s still bad.)

In the shocking video below, Steven Colbert lashes out at the Dutch – drawing bold, unfounded conclusions that the Dutch are somehow all doped-up “bong troopers.”

Warning: this video contains disparaging remarks about the Dutch and may not be suitable for all audiences, especially those who don’t like fluorescent light or the Irish.

The entire transcript can be found after the jump. Well, maybe not the entire transcript. I’m a little too lazy and don’t care enough to do the entire transcript. But most of the good parts can be found after the jump. And they may not be transcribed exactly, either, but they’re probably pretty close.

From the Colbert Report’s Steven Colbert:

Worst thing is they’re not the only “Noah it alls”. Some Dutch guy already finished building his own ark in Holland. Hmm…I wonder how someone in Amsterdam came up with an idea like that…I’m sure the whole thing is a front for a floating hydroponic bud farm.

This thing is huge: 3 stories high, two-thirds the length of a football field, and featuring, quote, “a petting zoo, with baby lambs and chickens, and goats. And one camel.” Come the flood, that is going to be one horny camel. My advice to this modern-day Noah: no matter how good you look in it, do no pack the camel hair blazer.

So, at first I scoffed at these arks, but then I wondered, what do hippies and the Dutch know that I don’t – aside from what kind of crystals you can use as a deodorant. Then, it hit me. Global warming is happening – and they’re causing it.

Did you know burning incense and smoking hash releases 20 times as much carbon as a standard SUV? Now, I don’t want to get any letters from the “bong troopers” out there that say that’s not true. I already know that’s not true, I’m the one who made it up. But you have to admit, it does not sound good. These hippies are clearly planning to flood the earth, blame us for it, and use their arc to save themselves. Then they’ll take whatever land is left over and tie-dye it.

The article on CNN.com that the clip is based on can be found here.

So, why do they keep railing on the Dutch, I wonder. Maybe it’s like my mom used to say when I’d come home from school complaining of getting locked in my gym locker again: “They’re just jealous.”

That must be it.

You know, you could all just say, “thank you for your gifts to humanity” – would that really be so hard?