The Dutch are not known for being “warm” people. My grandmother still prefers to shake my hand over having me give her a hug. I think it has to do with nearly our entire country being 10 meters below sea level; the strategy centers on the assumption that being cold will make you float better when those dikes break.

On top of that, I was raised in Minneapolis, MN. I always thought Minnesotans were a friendly lot; people even use the phrase “Minnesota Nice” to describe us. I didn’t realize until I left Minnesota that “Minnesota Nice” facetiously means “Minnesota Ice”.

Given this background, I’m not exaggerating when I say I have a large personal bubble and I become very uncomfortable when someone invades what I like to call “Franktopia”. It’s like what they say about Grizzly Bears: if you can see one, you’re probably too close. (As I write this I realize the analogy goes a little farther; you would probably feel better if you had a can of mace on you, as well. It is also not advisable to make direct eye contact.  The sign of a good analogy is that the farther you take it, the better it works.)

To the point, the client where I’m working right now is on the third floor of a building whose elevator is powered by two gerbils in an exercise wheel. As I was returning to the office yesterday afternoon, I noticed a woman running towards the elevator as the doors were closing. Since I was raised with good Dutch manners, I held the door for her. She thanked me as she entered and proceeded to stand directly next to me, nearly pushing me into the corner.

Since most people are clever enough not to take the elevator and use the stairs instead, we had the entire elevator to ourselves and I was already standing on the far left. I’ve been in the elevator with eight people and didn’t feel as crowded as I did with just me and this woman. I don’t appreciate being able to make an educated guess about what conditioner a total stranger is using.

As soon as someone invents a Personal Bubble Force Field Generator (PSFFG), I will be the first to order one. And, since I’m guessing that once we invent one of those, light sabers will be right behind it, I’ll pre-order one of those, too. With a green blade.