I get very interested in news and events that are typically of a scientific nature and have little direct impact on daily life here on Earth. I believe most people refer to this condition as “being a dork”.

Be that as it may, there are many bits of practical information that come out of these stories – if you know where to look. Lets review a few recent events:

Scientists discover that black holes spin at near the speed of light

We think these monster black holes are spinning close to the limit set by Einstein’s theory of relativity, which means that they can drag material around them at close to the speed of light.

A lot of you probably think this has little impact on your daily life, but it’s not true. I am pretty sure the average human would get dizzy spinning at the speed of light, so that tells me two things about Black Holes: they are probably not human, and they don’t care about making people dizzy. That will impact my strategy next time I see one coming for me.

It appears that Mercury’s iron core is shrinking, causing the planet to collapse

Mercury could be shrinking as its core slowly freezes. Pictures from Mariner 10 revealed the planet’s surface appears to have buckled from within, resulting in gigantic cliffs more than a mile high and hundreds of miles long biting into Mercury.

Obviously, if it can happen to Mercury, it can happen to Earth. While all you suckers who ignore this kind of important information sit around and watch America’s Next Top Dingbat, I’ll be working on my evacuation plan for when the world implodes. It will involve a parachute because I’m not going to miss the opportunity to base jump off the mile-high cliff where my house used to be.

And those are just two examples. Think of all the other crap you’re missing.