I lived in Charlotte, North Carolina for about 6 months in what was quite a nice apartment in “uptown” Charlotte. It’s really “downtown” Charlotte, but everyone refers to it as “uptown”. This was the city planner’s ingenious solution to the nasty prostitution and drug problem that existed in Charlotte: rename “downtown” to “uptown” and it will become trendy and popular. Note to the city planners: “Uptown” Charlotte might become more “trendy” and “popular” when it grows to be more than 4 city blocks, has even a modicum of shopping, and has commercial venues that are open on the weekends.

Moving on.

I had the great misfortune to be on contract at a bank in the center of downtown Charlotte. My morning and afternoon walk to and from the office led me by a small day care center which had an outdoor playground. Now, Charlotte (and much of North Carolina) has a tendency to be too hot for any activity to be conducted outdoors safely – especially for children – so this playground was almost always deserted.

One afternoon, however, as I was nearing the playground, I heard children’s laughter rising above the noise of the city. As I made my way nearer the playground I could start to make out the various games and activities that the kids were engaging in. There was no child among them who was over 3 years old, all chattering excitedly in their teeny little voices.

Finally, I noticed a line of kids leading up to the big slide near the center of the playground. I thought to myself, “Wow, kids can be so sweet. They’re all patiently waiting for their turn to go down the slide.” I had hardly completed my thought when one of the kids went too soon after the kid before him, and ran into him on the way down. The victim, in his tiny little voice, yelled at the top of his lungs, “OW!! YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!”

So much for Southern Charm.